Look, not all fries are created equal, and anyone with a love for fried potatoes knows that finding the perfect fry is an art form.
If you’re new to the fry game or just never cared enough to be super opinionated about fries, we’re here to help you discover your new greasy obsessions.
Whether you’re a fan of fries that are loaded up to the max, craving that golden truffle-touched crisp, or just in it for a thick cut that you can drown in malt vinegar, Columbus has a fry style for every taste. So here it is: the ultimate fry flowchart to guide you to the best fries in Central Ohio based on what your fry love language says about you.
Ready to dive in? Let’s find out which fry is your perfect match.
The Flowchart: Which Do You Prefer?
Loaded Fries
Loaded fries are for those who believe a fry should come with all the bells and whistles. Think fries as a full course, decked out with toppings like melted cheese, chili, or even fresh herbs and spices. With each fry acting as a perfect vessel for layers of flavor, loaded fries are all about creating a satisfying, over-the-top bite every time. If this sounds like your type of fry, here’s where you should go.
Fancy Fries
Fancy fries are where potatoes meet sophistication. Lightly drizzled with ingredients like truffle oil or dusted with Parmesan, these fries add a gourmet touch to the classic fry experience. Crispy on the outside and packed with rich flavors, fancy fries bring a little elegance to your fry game, proving that even spuds can go upscale. If you’re fancy at heart, this is where you can find great fancy fries.
Thick Cut Fries
Thick cut fries are pure potato perfection. Wide and chunky, they’re golden on the outside and fluffy on the inside, with just enough surface area to hold onto your favorite dips or seasonings. These fries go for the “less is more” approach, letting the potato flavor shine through with every hearty bite. Thick cut and totally delicious fries that will never disappoint can be found here.
Hand-Cut “State Fair Style” Fries
Hand-cut and slightly rugged, state fair-style fries bring that nostalgic, no-fuss vibe to the table. With the skin still on and a just-right, golden-brown hue, these fries have that soft-but-crispy balance that’s all about classic potato goodness. If you want to be teleported to the fairgrounds, these fries will do the trick.
Potato Spuds
Spuds are the fry’s bolder cousin… chunkier, loaded, and definitely messy in the best way possible. Often topped with melted cheese, meats, or rich sauces, these fries are for those who want a full meal in fry form. Spuds are substantial, savory, rustic, and come with that “dig in with a fork” kind of vibe. If this sounds up your alley, go here.
Tater Tots
Tots are the rebels of the fry world. Bite-sized and perfectly crisp, they’ve got that crunchy outside and soft, fluffy inside that makes them irresistible. With a little seasoning or a dipping sauce, tots add a fun twist to the usual fry experience, bringing a playful spin to potato lovers everywhere. Instead of asking Napoleon Dynamite for some of his, you can get great tots here.
Still Undecided?
Go here and figure out which fries you like the best, then hit the spot on this flowchart that fits your newfound favorite style!
Your Fry Havens
Loaded Fries: Loops
Loops doesn’t mess around when it comes to loaded fries. Their original fries come topped with more goodness than most places’ “loaded” options. The base fries are seasoned with a secret blend of herbs and grated cheese, setting a high standard right out of the gate. Then, there’s the Chili Cheese fries, which are something truly special: think mustard, onion, Loops Homemade Chili, and shredded cheddar, all loaded up and ready to make your day. If you’re up for a little kick, the Fetafire Fries bring the heat, with spicy melted Fetafire cheese and fresh tomatoes on top. Loops didn’t get high praise from Guy Fieri for nothing!
Fancy Fries: Arch City Tavern
Arch City Tavern’s Fresh Cut Parmesan Truffle Fries are a non-negotiable part of every meal for me. These fries bring a little sophistication with freshly grated Parmesan, herbs, and a light truffle oil coating that takes things up a notch. The flavor is all there: crispy, savory, and just begging for a dip in one of their house-made aiolis. These aren’t your average side dish; they’re a full-on fry experience.
Thick Cut: Greek Express
Greek Express keeps it simple but absolutely delivers with their no-frills, thick-cut fries. These thick beauties don’t need any fancy toppings to shine; it’s just fresh potatoes, fried to perfection, and seasoned right. If you’re a purist who loves the natural potato flavor, add a splash of malt vinegar, and you’re in for a treat. Sometimes less really is more, and Greek Express proves that perfectly.
Hand-Cut “State Fair Style”: Street Thyme Food Truck
Street Thyme Food Truck has been making a name for itself with its burgers, but don’t sleep on their hand-cut fries. These golden beauties give off serious state fair vibes, with the potato skins still on and a rich brown-orange color that signals peak fry goodness. They’re like Five Guys fries but with a little more flair. Hand-cut, fresh, and perfectly cooked, these fries never disappoint.
Potato Spuds: Wario’s Beef & Pork
Imagine if fancy fries and loaded fries had a love child, and you’d get Wario’s Beef & Pork’s spuds. These aren’t your average fries; they’re topped with shaved ribeye, cheese wiz, roasted garlic, Wario sauce, and long hots, making them a hearty, flavor-packed indulgence. And let’s be real, these spuds require a fork because they’re loaded up with so much goodness you won’t want to leave a crumb behind.
Tots: Smash Buddies
Smash Buddies may be new on the scene, but their tater tots made an instant impression. These tots are perfectly seasoned, giving each one a flavorful kick that elevates the tot game. The texture? Spot on… crispy on the outside, soft and pillowy on the inside. Great Scott, is there anything better than a great tot? I’d say not.
Honorable Mention: Wolf’s Ridge Brewing
If you’re a bit of a fry indecisive, Wolf’s Ridge Brewing has you covered with a range of fry options to satisfy every craving. From loaded tater tots with Wolf’s Ridge Beer Cheese, bacon, and scallions to truffle fries and Cajun fries, they’ve got something for every fry lover. Consider this your one-stop shop if you can’t pick just one style.
And there you have it! Whether you’re after loaded fries or classic thick cuts, there’s a fry style here with your name on it.
Did we miss one? Did one of these places close? Send us a note!
