To my parents’ eternal dismay, I was definitely more of a stoner than a drinker in my college days (though I’d still crush anyone in beer pong, don’t get it twisted).
Between late-night tokes and my occasional “Baked Matinee on a Saturday” (still waiting for my trademark to go through), I consider myself something of a connoisseur when it comes to finding the best stoner foods in Columbus.
Now, let me be clear: you do NOT have to be a stoner (or even under the influence) to appreciate these spots. These foods are mind-blowingly delicious no matter what state of mind you’re in, but thanks to their epic portion sizes and insane flavor combinations, they hold a special place in the hearts of anyone who’s ever found themselves in need of a serious post-smoke feast.
And even though I’ve gracefully receded from my college glory days of smoking (that’s not the only thing that’s receded à la my hairline), these spots are still my go-tos.
But hey, being a little saucy never hurts, right? 😉
Crunchwerks
Literally a spawn from the ultimate stoner fast food joint (emphasis on joint) Taco Bell, Crunchwerks takes the Taco Bell Crunchwrap and makes it bigger, crunchier, juicier, and just way better. Picture this: protein, cheese, queso, lettuce, pico de gallo, a hard shell taco, and sour cream, all wrapped in a tortilla. Crunchwerks’ crunchwraps are on a whole other level. With several options to customize your wrap, you’ll be falling in love bite after bite.
Pierogi Mountain
Pierogis are the underrated MVP of stoner foods. Butter, cheese, potatoes… need I say more? The classic potato and cheddar pierogi at Pierogi Mountain is made with Ohio’s own Randle’s cheddar, cream cheese, and a dash of smoked paprika. But if you’re feeling more adventurous, try the Samosa pierogi, seasoned with garam masala and filled with pea and carrot whipped potatoes, all topped with a cilantro-mint chutney instead of sour cream. Pro tip: go on a Tuesday when all pierogi are just $1.50 each… just make sure you’ve got a DD if you’ve been indulging in greenery.
PJs Grille
An Ohio State stoner staple, I’ve eaten at PJs more times than I care to confess to my cardiologist. If you can get past the politically incorrect names, you’ll be well on your way to stoner heaven (or maybe real heaven depending on the state of your arteries) with sandwiches like the Fat Bitch (Buffalo chicken tenders, beer fries, mac and cheese wedges, mozzarella sticks, and ranch on a hoagie roll) or the Fat Fatty (grilled ham, cheesesteak, salami, bacon, mozzarella sticks, mac and cheese wedges, fried ravioli, and a generous drizzle of high sauce) Yeah, it’s a lot, but all these flavors will ensure you’re in for a glorious, heart-stopping experience… perhaps literally.
AnA Shawarma
I didn’t discover the magic of Halal food until I lived in New York, but AnA Shawarma in Columbus delivers it like no other. The owner is a gem, but his mix shawarma platter (with lamb, chicken, lettuce, tomatoes, and rice, all drenched in their signature sauces) is even more of a gem and is absolute stoner gold. They’ve also got a killer chopped cheese, wings, and banana pudding. Just writing this makes the stone inside me want to fire up an order.
Tai’s Asian Bistro
For massive portions that hit every craving imaginable, Tai’s Asian Bistro has you covered. This Asian fusion spot serves up everything from sushi to Pho to Pad Thai, and no matter what you get, it’s going to be enough for three meals. My go-tos? The shrimp Pad Thai and the Singapore Noodles. Just make sure you’re ready to be stuffed, because Tai’s doesn’t do small portions. It’s like they want you to bring home leftovers.
Los Guachos Taqueria
Los Guachos Taqueria is a taco lover’s dream come true, especially with their BOGO Tacos Al Pastor for just $2.50 each on Mondays. Whether you’re stuffing your face with tacos, burritos, or tortas, Los Guachos never misses. They have daily specials most days of the week, so no matter when the munchies hit, they’ve got your back with some of the best tacos in Columbus.
So, Where We Droppin’?
Whether you’re reminiscing about late-night cravings or just in the mood for epic comfort food, these spots are guaranteed to satisfy your inner stoner. So grab a friend (or a munchie-driven appetite) and dive in!
Did we miss one? Did one of these places close? Send us a note!
